Am I Nuts Or Is It Me? – The Break up

Friends, I am not one to be overly personal in this new blog venture of mine. But sanity is best proven in the open, aired opinions of others. So I must tell you that I am having relationship trouble. Worse yet, It is not merely a matter of not getting along, but rather the infliction of intentional, emotional cruelty and conspiracy.

…I think my Spell Checker is the ringleader in a masterful plot to drive me insane.

For some time now I have suspected a spell checker/predictive text conspiracy. It started in my Facebook posts. I think it is not too farfetched to imagine a scenario with the spellchecker as a geek in high school and I, the jock who tortured him (I was in band, but I call myself a jock due to my extreme calves.) Then the Spell Checker grows up and makes a deal with Mark Zuckerberg “ok, I’ll do your spell checking across all of Facebook. I’ll even do it for free. But you have to give me this one guy.” “But why?” asks Zuckerberg. “That’s my business.” Answers Spell Checker in a deep throated Batman voice.

At first things were fine, it made suggestions, and I took them. But soon it was making false suggestions. I would be typing the right word, and it would suggest a wrong word. I relied on our trust and took the suggestion, then I would see the ugly, emotionally scaring red squiggly. Mocking me. Then there were the times I feel certain that it changed my words after I posted. Making me look like an idiot! There comes a time when a person must speak truth to power and recognize what’s not working in his life. There is a relationship between a writer and his spell checker. It is built on trust. It is built on understanding. So I have decided that I am disabling my Spell Checker. I can no longer be in a relationship where the other party finds such jolly in my folly.

I find this decision empowering. I must admit that I came close to doubting myself. Thinking ever so briefly, that maybe it was me. I see now, how absurd that was.

Now to meke planes for diner and a knight at the theatir

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Published in: on July 19, 2012 at 1:43 AM  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’ve just always assumed that spell check had it in for me, because I don’t rely on it that heavily, and it’s rather narcisistic. Now, grammar checkers on the other hand, they hate me because I’m smarter than they are, and they resent me for it.

  2. Oh, how delightful and witty!


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